the emptying

I got the idea for the study that I'm preparing for our South Padre trip next month from a couple different sources. First of all, God's silence is an area with which I've always struggled.

Secondly, Joan of Arcadia's first-season finale is called "Silence" and deals with exactly that, and there's a beautiful part towards the end, when Joan's mother, a lapsed Catholic, is talking to her father, who is not religious at all, about a conversation she had with a priest -- namely, we go through times of consolation and desolation, and God is present in both, and there is healing, even in the desolation. (I'm actually showing the last 20 minutes of that episode as part of the study.)

Thirdly, there are some excellent passages in A Grief Observed and The Screwtape Letters, both by C.S. Lewis, and an article by A.W. Tozer, that all address that as well.

And finally, a song off BarlowGirl's latest CD, How Can We Be Silent, was written after Alyssa was reading about the soldiers who visited Auschwitz after its liberation and found the following verse carved into the wall:

"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining; I believe in love, even when I don't feel it; I believe in God, even when He is silent."

I won't go into any more detail, partly because I haven't quite gotten everything together, and partly because S, E and A sometimes venture onto this blog and I don't want it all spoiled, but I am really excited about delving further into this matter, and I know that it'll go a long way in undergirding my own faith and tendency to doubt when God is silent.

Finally, I'm uploading a live performance of "I Believe in Love."

I normally don't like uploading live concert performances because the quality's not great, but even though it's shot from far off, the sound is excellent, and what Alyssa says before the song starts is awesome and makes me cry every time I watch it.

My favorite part of the song leads into the chorus and says, "So I'll stand in the pain and the silence, and I'll speak to the dark night..."

 

 

I've been spending a lot of time lately with three of my cousins: Andrea, Elizabeth and Sarah. We call ourselves the Sisterhood. It started out as a cheesy, throw-away Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants analogy and, well, it stuck. We've started having weekly Sisterhood dinners or get-togethers, and next month we're headed down to South Padre for a blissful weekend at Andrea's uncle's condo, which is right on the beach.

I think Janie has mentioned before feeling oddly about the fact that most of the friends she spends time with are her family members. I used to feel the same, until I realized that the fact that we're related is not the reason we spend time together. Trust me, I'm related to people that I do just fine with only seeing them once or twice a year.

We spend time together because we honestly get along and are at the same point in our lives, despite the fact that Andrea and I are older than Elizabeth and Sarah.

At our first impromptu Sisterhood dinner, which was minus E because she was working, S, A and I spent three hours at a restaurant just talking. It was the best conversation I'd had in a long, long time -- it was deep. We all have the benefit of being Christians, and not just Christians, but Christians who are intent on strengthening and authenticating our faith more and more each day. I know that they will hold me accountable and encourage me on a level that my friends who aren't Christians can't do because we don't share the same foundation.

We had another Sisterhood dinner last week for A's birthday (again, minus E...I forget where she was...), and while we were at the restaurant, something really cool happened. Apparently all of us had been thinking separately that we'd love our SP weekend to be a time of devotion and Bible study and everything, but none of us wanted to bring it up for fear the others just wanted a fun and fluffy time.

So Sarah finally brought it up and we were all, "That's what I wanted to do, too!"

We're going to have a discussion of the book that we're all reading, The Shack, and then each of us will be responsible for leading a Bible study over the weekend. And on Sunday we're going to sing some praise and worship and have our own church service.

I am really, really looking forward to it. It's nice to have people with whom I can totally be myself. It's nice that I can talk about decisions I've been wrestling with, like my decision not to date anymore, and only listening to Christian music and have them, while they all might not agree 100%, not look at me like I've lost my mind (or avoid commenting on posts that make the same statements, which I would imagine has about the same connotation as awkwardly changing the subject.)

I've gotten Andrea listening to Andy Stanley, and she just finished his four-part series on Discovering the Will of God, and she called me today and when I answered, she didn't even say hello -- just "I am doing a great work and I cannot come down!"

And I knew exactly what she was talking about, and it was great.

In fact, we're having t-shirts made with that verse (Nehemiah 6:3) for our beach trip because it perfectly sums up what we're trying to do together -- to follow Christ and try to do His will without any hindrances, distractions or temptations.

One of the excuses I gave whenever anyone asked me if I listened to Christian music was that I could never listen to it exclusively because I loved music too much and there were bands that I counted as my favorites like Boys Like Girls and The All-American Rejects that simply didn't have counterparts in the Christian realm.

Yeah, well, God called my bluff and I "accidentally" stumbled headlong into what I have a feeling is going to become one of my new favorite bands.

It all started with an interview I saw with BarlowGirl. Alyssa Barlow was wearing a sweatshirt that said "Stellar Kart" on it. Since I had no clue what it was or meant or whatever, I Googled it and found out that it is a band made up of four (very cute) twenty-something guys from Phoenix that are classified as being that power pop/pop punk genre that I love so much.

I figured it couldn't hurt to give their stuff a try.

Love. It.

As soon as I give myself my next iTunes allowance (look at me, growing as a person), I'm so downloading their stuff.

For now, I leave you with two really great songs and two really great videos -- one's heartening and encouraging; the other is pure entertainment and feels like a tongue-in-cheek homage to the Tom Hanks flick That Thing You Do.

I think I've listened to this song (and watched the live performance) about a dozen times since I discovered it Saturday morning.

God continues to use music to smack me over the head with reality...

I know the following isn't a very popular choice, even among Christians. But it's given me a lot of peace, and in the end, I'd rather trust God to bring the right person into my life, if that's His plan for me, than trust myself.

That's for darn sure, given my particular track record in the dating department.

Anyway, my post title is actually the title of a popular book by Joshua Harris that came out a while back. At first, my thoughts were pretty much, "Um, yeah, right. I think this guy's gotten his centuries confused. Who doesn't date?" Then I read the book, and realized it made a lot more sense than I originally suspected it would.

Still, its newness kind of wore off and soon I was back to my lifelong tradition of making my own choices and telling God to stay in the background until I'd screwed things up so badly that I needed Him to step in and fix everything.

Again.

Those of you who know me know my history and know how badly I've been hurt by the last couple of guys I've dated, whether emotionally, psychologically, physically or all of the above. Had I trusted God rather than myself to guard my heart, maybe I could've been spared some of the heartache.

And maybe I wouldn't have given so much of myself away.

It's been a long time coming, but I'm at that place now. I'm battered and broken and bruised, but I'm here.

I stumbled across this interview after learning that the three sisters who make up the band BarlowGirl and who aren't all that much younger than I am (the oldest is 29, I think) have never dated. I have never heard someone verbalize my heart's desire so perfectly and so eloquently as Alyssa Barlow does:

(It starts at about the 2:30 marker with their stance on purity and continues from there.)

Mirror, I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me
You don't define me...
                                ("Mirror" -- BarlowGirl)

I love this two-minute clip of Becca Barlow talking about her struggles with depression and eating disorders and low self-worth and how she overcame those struggles. As I watched this, I was nodding along, because this has been my journey over the past couple of months, and I'm finally approaching the place where I am ready to accept my new name.

I hung out with my friend Marcia tonight and she gave me about 15 CDs as I continue replacing a large chunk of the music on my iPod with Christian music. What started out as a month-long challenge has become more or less a way of life now, and I'm reluctant to lose the encouragement and positive mindset that listening to Christian music gives me.

One of the CDs she gave me was a collection of some of the top songs in the genre in 2007. Of those, one has really stuck out. It's by Third Day and just really struck a chord with me -- though I wasn't familiar with the song when I was going through the worst of my depression a few months ago, I can attest to the truthfulness and authenticity of its lyrics because I fully believe they are why I am where I am today, whole, without the necessity of any type of medication.

Funny, everyone can talk about God and having faith in God and believing in God. But mention Jesus (unless you're swearing), and you're immediately considered a freak.

I'll wear the moniker proudly.

(I planned on uploading the video to the song here, but embedding has been disabled, so you can click here to view it on YouTube. Definitely worth it.)

"Cry Out to Jesus"
(Third Day)

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They've lost all of their faith in love
And they've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight.

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
The bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart
You've held me close to You
But I have turned away
And searched for answers I can't understand.

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing into the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
With faith like a child.

Sometimes when I feel miles away
And my eyes can't see Your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of You.

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
With faith like a child.

I look at giving a little bit like fasting. The Bible instructs that if we choose to fast, we shouldn't tell anyone, so that we're doing it for the right reasons and not so that someone thinks we're ultra-spiritual or whatever.

I more or less think giving falls into that same category. We shouldn't brag about giving or detail how much we give and to whom we give.

Except I'm going to talk a little about it here because, at the end of the day, this online journal serves as a motivator for me and I'm not using it as a "look at me, look at me" type of medium.

There's a parable in Mark and Luke about the widow's mite and how she gave out of everything she had, which nobody in the Temple noticed, but the Pharisees (or the synagogue leaders of the day) gave large sums out of their abundance -- in other words, they'd already put aside everything they needed and were giving out of what was left over -- to the admiration of many.

I've mentioned legalism before and how sometimes people take a passage or an admonition and go completely overboard with it. I mean, I could look at this parable and decide I needed to immediately live a life of poverty, like Mother Teresa, or even Rich Mullins. In their cases, I believe it was authentic, genuine and God-inspired. For me? Not so much. I would be doing it on some level to feel superior, which would defeat the entire purpose.

But there are things I can do, and that I will do. I've mentioned that I am trying to give above the 10% that God calls me to give (and to give cheerfully). I've recently made the decision to cut back to basic cable so that I can give the difference away.

I know I joke about that not being a big deal, but if I were to be completely honest, it'll be really hard. I might not "need" to watch the majority of what I watch on standard cable, but if it were taken away, it'll definitely be hard to fill that time.

The next issue I had a bit of a struggle with was what organizations to support. There are a lot of great causes out there. Really worthy ones. But it's hard, because I do not want my money going to an organization like, for example, United Way, which, despite all the good it does, also supports an abomination like Planned Parenthood.

In the end, I went to the Bible, which tells us that God will bless those who bless Israel; it also tells us to look after orphans and widows in distress; it says "happy are those who show mercy to the poor;" and that "righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne."

If you are so led, I encourage you to look into, and support, the following organizations:

Blood: Water MissionWhen Dan Haseltine, Jars of Clay's lead singer, visited Africa in 2002, he had to struggle to accept what he saw. Poverty and physical and social suffering in Africa shook him, challenged him, and changed him.

Haseltine returned overwhelmed by despair, transformed by hope and called to action. He came back with a vision for clean blood and clean water in Africa -- blood free of the HIV virus and water free of parasites and bacteria that cause AIDS patients and others undue suffering. He and his band mates envisioned this orphaned continent to be transformed through the installation of Christ's sacrificial symbols of blood and water.

Jars of Clay's main audience are the church and young people across the nation. The band knows that both populations are uniquely equipped to respond to world suffering and injustice. The band members saw a shining opportunity for people to offer Gods hand of mercy in the broken places. They believed that through bringing the crisis to the minds and hearts of Americans and through presenting opportunities to make a positive tangible impact in Africa, lives would be transformed both here and there.

This, then, is the Blood:Water Mission, committed to clean blood and clean water to fight the HIV/AIDS pandemic, to build clean wells in Africa, to support medical facilities caring for the sick, to make a lasting impact in the fight against poverty, injustice and oppression in Africa through the linking of needs, talents and continents, of people and resources.

Shaohannah's Hope
Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman began this foundation after adopting the first of their three adopted daughters, Shaohannah.

In their own words: Recognizing that adoption is a perfect picture of what God has done for each of us in making us His children through Christ, Shaohannah's Hope has been established to care for orphans by engaging the church and helping Christian families reduce the financial barriers to adoption.

Psalm 68:5-6 tells us that as the Father to the fatherless, God delights in setting the lonely in families. It has been our experience that the scriptural mandate of caring for orphans, such as the one found in James 1:27, is really a wonderful invitation to experience God in a profound way by being a part of His sovereign plan for His precious children.

Working from these foundational truths, Shaohannah's Hope exists to enable children living without the love and hope of an earthly family to be adopted into "covenant homes." These families can provide not only the love and support needed for this life, but also provide a child with the knowledge of God's plan for his or her eternal life with a forever family called The Body of Christ.

The Joshua Fund
The Joshua Fund was begun by communications strategist and New York Times best-selling author Joel Rosenberg, who has worked with notable business and political figures like Rush Limbaugh, Steve Forbes and former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

I talked about the organization in detail here.

The Jersualem Institute of Justice
I discovered the JIJ through the Joshua Fund. Their primary goal is to safeguard civil rights, freedom of religion, and social justice in the nation of Israel.

There's more detail from founder Calev Myers here, but it was too long to copy over.